Payne’s Valley
I did a full write-up and review of Big Cedar Lodge here and included a quick Payne’s Valley review and photos, so I won’t belabor a review of the area or resort. As I said in the BCL write-up, I rank Payne’s second to Ozarks National at the resort and even though it was brand spanking new (I just played this in August of 2021), it was in really good shape.
A lot of blogs and reviewers pooh-pooh this course as a resorty-like effort without true architectural merit. Even in our very own group, a couple of the guys liked Buffalo Ridge better and put Payne’s as a distant third at the resort. I disagree. Now if they get the greens fixed at Buffalo (they were in piss poor shape when we played), it would likely slide up the ranking IMO as it is on a better piece of property but it wouldn’t take away from Payne’s. In fact, once they complete the halfway house and driving range here, this could likely slide up as well.
So if you don’t know, Payne’s Valley is Tiger Woods’ first public course design that is named after Payne Stewart who, I guess, was from the area. That’s a pretty good one-two punch of name brands that should entice resorty golfers from around the globe to pony up the Franklins to come to Branson and play the resort.
Tiger is pretty new to the design thing. Designer-wise, you instantly want to draw a comparison to Jack Nicklaus who was the previous golf G.O.A.T. who entered into the design biz while still playing. As such, I expected Payne’s to be like Nicklaus’ early efforts – a series of 18 kicks into the love sac. However, I was surprised and enjoyed the restraint from Tiger’s design. If you’re designing a resort course, it should be, to quote RTJ, “A difficult par but an easy bogey.” Tiger accomplished that here making for an enjoyable golf experience for all.
Back to the G.O.A.T. thing, I know people still argue whether this is Jack or Tiger. For me there is no contest, it’s Tiger. While Jack was great and all, during his prime Tiger commanded the same fear in his opponents as Mike Tyson did in his prime. Jack didn’t. Whether you liked Tiger or not, he was must watch TV from when he burst onto the scene and won the 1997 Master’s to when he was winning the Tiger Slam and then all the way through to his 2019 Master’s win.
For every G.O.A.T., there has to be a G.L.O.A.T. That is the Greatest Loser of All Time. So who’s golf’s GLOAT? Wikipedia says it’s Maurice Flitcroft. Flitcroft became notorious after hitting a score of 121 in the qualifying competition for the 1976 Open Championship—the highest score recorded at the Open Championship by a self-professed “professional golfer.” But what fun is it calling a no-name the GLOAT. What big name could be considered the golf GLOAT? Could it be Rickie Fowler? Boy has he disappeared.
All of this brings my ADHD self to consider here who are the GOATS/GLOATS for all of the major sports. Again the GLOAT has to be someone you’d have a chance of hearing of and can’t be some guy who barely made the practice squad on the 1976 Bucs or 2008 Lions. Imagine that – being a professional football player who couldn’t even make the roster of one of the worst teams in the history of the sport. But I digress within my digression. Without further ado the GOATS.
GOATS
NFL: Tom Brady: This pains me to say. I hate Tom Brady. He’s a cheater. He played for the Patriots. My Masshole cousins love him and throw his success in our faces. But gotta give credit where credit is due. GOAT. Jim Brown is the honorable mention.
NBA: Michael Jordan: No doubt. Don’t even say it’s LeBron. LeBron is a p*ssy and a douchebag. Jordan’s only a douchebag. Honorable Mention: Kobe.
MLB: Babe Ruth: This was tough because no one really stood out from my lifetime. I am a homer so could say Mike Schmidt. Hank Aaron is also a consideration. But who from this generation? Ohtani maybe in time? I could carry out the douchebag theme here and say Pete Rose. All are runners-up.
NHL: Gretzky: Not even a question. Plus he has a super hot daughter. Honorable Mention: Mario but again not even close.
GLOATS
NFL: Mark Sanchez: The butt fumble seals this but the Sanchize (even though he started his NFL career competently leading the Jets to two AFC Championships in his rookie and second season) ended his career by putting the oy-man in journeyman. Honorable Mention: Izell Jenkins (Eagles). You’ll see a Philly theme to this as I suffered so many GLOATS in my lifetime. Jenkins was a cornerback whose nickname was “Toast.” Not good.
NBA: Markelle Fultz. Number one overall pick by the Sixers. A shooting guard who literally couldn’t shoot. At this time I’d say Ben Simmons is the honorable mention but he’s just a loser, Gen-Y baby who has never known winning and shies away from pressure. He is lazy and when anyone dares to call him out, he takes his ball and runs away. Of course Muresan is the non-Philly GLOAT.
MLB: Chris Davis: God I feel bad for you Orioles’ fans. This guy has Phillies written all over him. Honorable Mention: Anyone on the 2012 to 2016 Phillies or in the 2020 Phillies bullpen.
NHL: Kerry Huffman: A defense(?)man for the Flyers in the 90’s. I’m sure there are worse out there but I had season tickets during Huffman’s anti-prime. We called him “The Turnstile.” Runner-Up: Brett Lindros. Oy!
Ah but I digress. To the course. We played the combo tees which measure 6,500 yards with a 122 slope. Not too tough. The entire BLC trip I played very average and had the same score (93) for all three rounds (plus the fourth at neighboring Ledgestone). This is kind of to my handicap but just felt very unsatisfying.
One is a mid-length downhill par four. It’s not too tough and when you look at the scorecard and see it’s the 3rd handicap, you’re thinking this course might be a pushover. Ignore the fact I doubled here; my short game was so horrible this entire trip that if I just had my usual ok wedge game with the Lovett, I’d have been in the low 80’s. Two’s a forgettable downhill but long par three (197 yards). I took a five. Three is a short par four with a deep bunker up front. It’s 304 from the combos. It was nice to finally get a par here. Four is a great, short par five. Really liked this hole. Great drive. Decent chance to get there in two but there is a menacing creek in front of the green and a pond to the left. Laid up to gap wedge distance and…yup put my gap wedge into the creek. A bogey.
Five is an island green. I ended up just off the green. I remember skulling a chip across the green here. Five and the Lovett almost ended up in the pond. Six through nine wend their way away from, back toward then back away again from the pond. None of these really stand out. Ten (as you see above) is a downhill par three. Pin was up front which took the bunkers out of play but the green sloped into the creek so you had to carry it. Finally another par here.
They had a shack here for beers and free hot dogs (a nice touch) but are building a huge halfway house that will be really nice when done. Eleven is a mid-length par four and twelve measures only 322 from the combos (blues). Parred both and started feeling good until a bogey, double, triple trifecta spoiled my good times. Loved the three finishers. The par three 16th had water left and the 7th was (IMO) the toughest hole on the course (Par and a bogey). Eighteen was a great finisher, loved the rock walls as you got into your approach.
The 19th is the “hook” here and it is a neat little island par three bet-settler. If you get the hole-in-one you get a $5,000 Bass Pro Shop gift certificate. Certainly a nice photo-op. In fact, Dante Hall was in the group behind us and a buddy filmed him from above just missing his hole-in-one. However, I’ll go on record as saying Chiefs suck. While I like Mahomes and don’t mind Andy Reid, I hate the criminal element the Chiefs brought in. Glad the Bucs beat them. Well, Brady was QB and would’ve preferred a blimp smash into the stadium but I guess it was nice to have them win at home so Andy wasn’t a two-time winner.
Golf Scrapbook 