The Royal Melbourne Golf Club
A ton has been written about Royal Melbourne’s West Course. I’ve seen it rank as high as #3 on the world top 100 list. You’ll see the composite course sometimes in rankings and here the two courses are so intertwined I understand how they can put these together for tournaments. The bunkering and green complexes are what set this course apart. For me, definitely Top 20. It’s exclusive but you can arrange to get on (your pro will need to make an introduction and you will need to shed about five Franklins to play it – or whatever Australian dude is on their $100 bill). For being plunked down in the middle of a suburban setting, you’d never know it. Playing the course feels remote, like you’re in the middle of the Outback. You’re also literally six blocks from the ocean and you’d never know that either. The course is very dog-leggy. Besides the par threes, there may be no more than two straight holes. It doesn’t have the Wow factor of a New South Wales or Cape Kidnappers, but it does have the PGA “majors” pedigree with the recent Ryder Cup; it has the history and of course the MacKenzie cred. Most of all, this is just a fun course to play even for a 15 handicapper.
I was here on a family vacation and as a reward for my youngest getting straight A’s throughout high school. Imagine that, not one “B” ever. Well deserved. She chose Australia and New Zealand I think to just one up her sister who got the same reward for the same accomplishment 5 years earlier and chose two-weeks driving through Morocco as her reward destination. Dad put the kibosh on that and we went to Portugal and Spain and ferried over to Tangiers to give her a taste. But I digress.
Melbourne is a fun town and IMO the “Philly” to Sydney’s “New York.” I played Melbourne with three Sydney-ites who were in Melbourne to see a soccer match (or maybe it was Australian football or cricket or something Australian). I let them know the fun times when Giants’ fans would come down to the Vet in Philly. I remember watching the players on the sideline pointing up to the stands at the fights and shaking their heads. The most insane thing I ever saw was two Eagles fans, each holding a leg, and dangling a Giants fan upside down off the upper level. Ah, those were the days – they don’t allow drinking in the second half of football games anymore, anywhere, and it all leads back to Eagles fans. Yes, I know, we are the reason why you just can’t have nice things. All that is to say, I liked Melbourne better than Sydney.
To the course. Let’s start with the arrival. For my own club or a typical round, I usually pull up with a few minutes to spare before tee time. I know it’s kind of rude but generally speaking I have shit to do beforehand and am not a range guy. If I’m at someone else’s club, I do try to be a little more considerate and try to show up about a half hour beforehand. So I was surprised when I got to Royal Melbourne about 15 minutes before my tee time and was greeted at the pro shop by the pro and my caddie. Before I could tell them who I was, they both greeted me by name saying they were expecting me and were surprised I didn’t leave time to hit the range but said I can at least work on my putts for a few minutes. Screw that. Told them I was travelling with four women and needed the bar. They said I could probably get a beer down before we teed off but drinks were not allowed on the course. Damn, I thought Aussies had their priorities down better than that. Whatever, I slammed two beers and dashed off to the first tee to join the three Sydney-ites I’d be playing with. They were pretty amused with my pre-round routine.
As I said earlier, this course is fun. You can play well here if you’re either hitting your approaches or can get up and down around the greens. I played pretty well here. In fact my three new buddies had asked if I wanted to get in on their match and asked my handicap – which I figured was about an 18 on RM. I didn’t join the match but at the end of the round, one of the guys said, “I was quietly keeping your score and as an 18 you would have mopped us up, thanks for not joining the match.”
This is another of those great courses where one or two holes in particular don’t stand out but the whole course is just one brilliant hole after another. I had this course on the 2003 Links computer game. They usually did a good job with getting the surrounding setting right around the courses. When I played RM on it, the course seemed like it was in the middle of nowhere so when I was in the neighborhood before pulling in I thought, “Boy they got it wrong here.” However, once on property you are never cognizant of the surrounding area, even when you cross Cheltenham Road. for Holes 13 through 16 and butt up against a neighboring course. The clubhouse is low vibe and is the perfect complement for the club itself.
If you go to Melbourne, get a VRBO in the City Centre. It’s a great walking city. Lucy Lui’s was awesome for a restaurant recommendation. Then I highly recommend the Phillip’s Island Wildlife Park. If you’re from the US like me and the fam, you probably want to see koalas and kangaroos and whatnot. The Sydney Zoo is a typical zoo with those animals safely tucked away behind glass though they do have a nice koala experience. Phillip’s Island? Holy Kangaroo crap, you can go walking around in the wild, hand-feeding kangaroos and other Australian wildlife. There’s this one Australian bird – the cassowary – where in the Sydney Zoo the guide was saying how it is the most dangerous bird in the world and has been known to kill humans. They had it locked in a double glass, bullet-proof pen there. Not at Phillips. The fricking ostrich-sized bird was frolicking around a loosely fenced area like it was a strutting damn peacock. I was watching a kid put his hand up to feed the bastard.
I added photos of our Phillips experience below and definitely stop at the little town just north of there for a Cascade (as I noted in my NSW review, if you ask for a Fosters mate, they will probably mock you and spit in your Cascade or other more authentic Australian beer). We ate at one of the outdoor restaurants on the main strip and had drinks overlooking the Esplanade. If you want to see the March of the Penguins there, make sure you book that way in advance. Can’t tell you if it’s worth it as we didn’t book it so couldn’t get close.
Golf Scrapbook 