Cape Kidnappers
From my ranking criteria, Cape Kidnappers checks all the boxes. Wow factor? Couldn’t be any wowwier. Fun? Sure blasting golf balls into the South Pacific is a hoot. Exotic? Couldn’t get any exotickier. Cape Kidnappers is remote even for someone from Aukland or Wellington. Exclusive? If you can get your ass here it’s not, but otherwise. Unique? Uh…yeah.
What a great course.
So they have a valet. Like why the hell they need a valet is beyond me, this course is so remote it gets fewer rounds a year than most muni’s get in a week. But the valet just happens to be a kid from Vermont who actually worked at and plays at the Quechee Club in VT where I first played golf and belonged for years. Small world! Anyway, so they park my car and I don’t realize until the first hole that I left my bag of golf balls in the car. As the drive in is about five miles off the main(?) road, I had no idea where my car was taken. I don’t realize this until the second tee. So I go to grab my ball bag and oops, all I have is two balls. I have no idea of the routing or when I’ll be back to the clubhouse and jumped out as a single in front of a group so didn’t want to head back. I figure it’s time to buckle down.
The third hole is a par three with “schmoogies” to the left. Schmoogies is a term coined by our buddy from Commonwealth, John Francis, to describe any shit you can’t play out of and can’t find a ball within. So I hook 50% of my ball inventory into the schmoogies and after a manhunt that would shame the FBI, I had only one ball left. Now the cliffs start coming into play. Four. Five. Six. I still have ol’ lucky. Not bad for a 15 handicap, at the time. Then I hit hole seven and produce the most prodigious slice I can produce – “crap!” Well as luck would have it, after cresting the hill, there’s the clubhouse. I jump in, grab two six packs (one of golf balls and one of Steinlagers – alas there were no Miller Lites) and finished the round with two logo balls left and no Steinlagers in the bag.
Another thing. Not to get too political, but there’s no room in this world for hate. Except of course the Patriots. And lawyers. Because of the latter, Cape Kidnappers could never exist as is in the US. Some drunk would drive his cart off one of the cliffs and his family would get all lawyered up and there would be a ten foot high wall with warnings for the other drunks. Of course, I mean, on some of the holes here, the second cut off the fairway abuts the edge of a 200-foot cliff side but I still hate lawyers. Glad I played in the morning. Oh and if you’re coming here, stay in Napier. The County Hotel was awesome. And do not try and drive across the north island at night. We literally drove 100 miles without seeing a building, sign, car, or any other sign of life.
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