Falsterbo
Played Falsterbo after a Baltic Sea cruise we took in 2019. More on that later. Immediately to the course then. I really liked Falsterbo. It sits at the southernmost tip of Sweden on a little spit of land dangling into the Baltic Sea. It is a true links course, it is flat and it is within a nature reserve called Flommen. This is a hot spot for birdwatchers – just about all of whom are oblivious to golfers trying to tee off or hit their approach shots on Falsterbo. I suggest if you play here, you hit away. If you get close to hitting them though you have to yell watch out in Swedish (they don’t know what FORE means). The way you say “watch out” is: “Fan ta dig.”
Just jerkin’ your Gerkin people. First, have a little patience and let the bird watchers cross, it’s only a few holes that you have to hit over the cross walk. Two, Fan ta dig means fuck you in Swedish so unless you are pranking your chums into yelling that at other golfers, then don’t.
The first three holes move you away from the clubhouse heading north. Actually most of Falsterbo doesn’t sit directly on the Baltic Sea as there is a little marshland area between the course and the beach. The fourth is the first hole then that you play right up against the marshland. The marsh there is very different than the marsh you see at Jersey shore courses or in the North Carolina low country. It’s more of a burn playing along the right side of the fourth that gives way to a grassy area – it’s not that reedy and boggy stuff though you still can’t hit out of it.
The seventh is one of my favorite holes on the course as it comes back in front of the clubhouse (almost like a finishing hole). You’ll need to deal with the mopey birdwatchers on seven. Eleven is a par three where you are in the marsh and need to cross about a three-foot-wide bridge to get to the green. Man, if you’re boozed up on this, I can imagine you’d plunk your ass right into the pond here. From there the final holes play around the lighthouse up closer to the water’s edge (the photo above is another favorite of mine the 12th). Sixteen is another favorite as it plays out to a point right to the beach. The two finishing holes are where you’ll encounter the first true dunes on the course, hugging the right side of the holes. What I remember about my own play here is that I was in the sand. A lot! And couldn’t get out. Not sure if there is a lot of sand on the course or whether my ball just found every bit of it on the course.
So our cruise ended in Copenhagen and we extended our stay by a day to play Falsterbo. It’s the only course nearby that was right on the sea so we made the drive. It’s pricey to get here though as you have to rent a car to cross the Øresund Bridge that has an outrageous toll. Or hire a car service which ain’t cheap. Is it worth it? I liked the course a lot but if you’re not a links freak and just want to play some nice courses in Europe, I hear that there are a few nice ones near Copenhagen.
To the cruise itself. So we took the Norwegian Baltic Sea cruise with a few other couples. I’m not a cruise guy so this was my first. I get people that like cruises. You hit a lot of places. You don’t have to pack and unpack. If the weather’s nice, there are a ton of activities on the ship. Booze is included. I even get it for an Alaskan cruise where you’re not really gonna venture out in Alaska and experience the dining and pub scene. But, if you hit all the European cities on the Baltic Sea cruise that we did, you don’t really get to experience the cities, especially the food. For most of the stops, you’re on the ship and anchors aweigh by 5 PM.
So the premium dinner packages on the cruise put you in upscale eateries away from the great unwashed, but I guarantee you no one ever said, “Hey let’s go out to eat tonight honey on a cruise ship.” The buffet/standard fare isn’t bad but, did you ever see tigers get fed at the zoo? Damn, hit the buffets for lunch, breakfast or dinner on a cruise ship and it’s like these people’s last fricking meal. There’s less pushing and shoving on the NYC subway. Then the Baltic Sea is fricking cold in September and the wind whipping off of that is cold. But does Norwegian open additional indoor bars? No. You’re out at the bar looking like Jack Nicholson after getting lost in the maze in the Shining. And the indoor bars are jammed. The airline delayed our luggage (baggage handlers wildcat strike in Copenhagen) and getting info et al from Norwegian was like pulling teeth.
All that said, if you do this, here were the stops:
Berlin is a quick stop and a two hour ride from the port. Once in the city it’s like, “look here, look there, look here, look there.” I suggest doing a separate Berlin vacation and skipping this and hanging out (golfing?) in the port town. We also spent the entire time buying clothes in Berlin because we had no idea when we would be reunited with our luggage. If you’re hell-bent on going to Berlin during this cruise, do the big ship-related guided tour so in case you’re late, they’ll hold the ship.
Talinn, Estonia. Quick stop. Port is right in town so it’s convenient. Cute town. A day covers it, but again, you’d like some time for a dinner or a few bar stops and no can do. We did eat in the main square at Liisu Juures so we could have some authentic Estonian grub. That was our Estonia highlight.
St. Petersburg. For a cold war kid, even being in Russia was a huge thing. But the Norwegian cruise gives you an overnight here. Going through customs from the ship wasn’t bad. Then I highly, highly recommend that if you do this cruise, get a private tour. It wasn’t that much more rubles for three couples than the big tour but we really got better access and a more customized adventure. Our guide was an absolute sweetheart and if you’re going, I couldn’t recommend Elza more: Elzaguide@gmail.com. We were going to golf at Gorki resort to just say we golfed in Russia but were concerned about the visa restrictions so we kiboshed it. Elza said, “It’s no issue, I’d have dropped you guys off and taken the girls for a tour through the summer palace.” Again, if you’re a golfer and doing this cruise, do this. The line at the summer palace was outrageous, too. Elza asked if we were okay getting heckled and we said, “Of course, we’re from Philly.” So she cut us up ahead of a 1/4 mile long line and sweet-talked our way in. I’d have rather golfed but this was nice for the girls. We also got to ride the subway. Unbelievable. We ate at some locals-only places and locals-only bars. Do the vodka tour as well. You’ll be plastered, fight with all your friends cause you’ll be vodka-angry, but it is so much fun and you’ll make up. Two restaurants stand out: Khochu Kharcho (a couple photos included) and even though it’s touristy, Stroganoff Steakhouse.
Helsinki, Finland: A day is good here. Have the salmon soup somewhere, this is now a staple of ours.
Göteborg, Sweden: Never made it there, winds were too high.
Copenhagen, Denmark: Because we couldn’t stop in Göteborg, we had an extra night in Copenhagen. We went to Reffen, which is a container city. Very cool. The girls toured the city while we played Falsterbo and we came back for eats at Kokkeriet. A tasting menu. Too many beets for my liking. But otherwise, very, very good. $$$.
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